Thursday, February 21, 2013

it is literally cereal for serial killers...

Start a blog, write about stuff you want, and it comes in the mail!

Last month I mentioned Narciso Rodriguez perfume, and guess who sent me more perfume!!! (A: a perfume publicist reresenting Narcisco perfume.) Smell flowers and femininity right now? Yeah, that's me drenched in free perfume miles away from you.

And months ago, I discovered an online federal prison commisary shopping list. One of the many thrilling items available for sale in the clink is a ceral with the charming name, "Honey Nut Scooters." GUESS WHAT ARRIVED AT WORK (and is getting shoved into my face by the handful)?!?!

Reader Tony somehow managed to find "Honey Nut Scooters" and had them sent to me. Thank you Tony! And now, my serious analysis of prison cereal:


Presented not in the traditional box but in a resealable bag, it would apear Honey Nut Scooters is basically cheap Honey Nut Cheerios. It even says so on the package. Sadly, there is no mention of prison or criminals. I think this was simply the poor man's cereal selected as the cereal available in the prison commisary. I have no idea if it's available in non-criminal stores, but you can get it online.

I do not have milk at work, so I have no idea if when milk is added to Honey Nut Scooters, a shiv miraculously appears at the bottom of the bowl. There is no mention of a "prize" in the bag, although stick-on tattoos, nail files, and stamps seem like great possibilities.

In conclusion, Honey Nut Scooters is the low-income/prison version of Honey Nut Cheerios, and I think I've eaten a few too many handfuls of HNS and should go lay down on my cot to play my harmonica and strum a metal cup along the bars.

Thanks again to Tony! And if anyone else wants to send me free stuff, I am currently interested in making out with celebrities, BMWs, and learning to play the cello...

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