Tuesday, November 20, 2012

"reality?" "CHECK!" (that was a real world; los angeles reference. my apologies...)

Can we please talk about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Because I am ON BOARD with this season. The newest Housewife is Yolanda (heavy Dutch accent, white dress) and her husband (of about 15 minutes) is a famous music producer who has so many Grammys piled onto his piano, it's about to collapse. Yolanda says things to her husband like, "Can I get you anything else, my love?" Then he talks to the camera about what an amazing homemaker Yolanda is while she orders the household staff around. A+! I can tell shit is about to get real with Yolanda because she is all about being a "lady" and says shit like, "There is nothing as ugly as a drunk woman." Anyone that blatant on their high horse is about 2 episodes away from getting arrested ON CAMERA in front of Spago.



Kim (blue dress) is hanging onto sanity for dear life, and I'm rooting for her big time.

Lisa (burgundy dress) is fabulous, British, the eldest, and doesn't give a shit about anything which I love. She owns a restaurant actually called "Villa Blanca" and everything inside is white. Two seasons ago she had to fire her gay houseboy and it's the only time she ever showed any emotion. One of the many reasons Andrienne and Paul aren't speaking to Lisa is because she apparently called their beloved dog Jackpot, "Crackpot." I actually stood up and applauded.

Is Camillie off the show? She was at Portia's 4th Birthday Party (naturally. Everyone over 40 in LA was there. I did not, however, see any other children.) She is no longer in the opening credits or the above photo. Has Kelsey made this part of their settlement?

Brandi (yellow dress, as if I had to tell you) is obviously the devil. If you'll remember, her ex-husband left her for Leanne Rhimes, which, if you're going to get dumped for a celebrity, is a pretty shitty one. But even Leanne Rhimes has got to be better than Brandi. Brandi is so blatant about starting drama, she might as well just walk into every room and cackle, "Get ready to cry, bitches!"

Adrienne (red one shoulder dress) is about to get divorced from Paul if tabloids and the "This season on the Real Housewives..." teaser is any indication. And I like her because she is no nonsense and has shiny gold extensions in her hair. You've got to respect someone who lists her grievnces with someone and deadpans, "She called Jackpot, 'Crackpot'."

Taylor (purple strapless dress) is spiraling further and further into crazy-town. But her ex-husband killed himself like, a year ago, and she means well, which is more than anyone can say for Brandi. I suspect she might drink a bit too much, so naturally, I am trying as hard as I can to be on her side. Her plastic surgery is a bit distracting.

And finally, Kyle (green dress) is my favorite Beverly Hills housewife because of her hair, her voice, her relatively sane demeanor, and (say it with me)... Mauricio! Mauricio is Kyle's 2nd husband and not only is he STUNNING, but he's always confident, funny, and a good sport. He just flew to Sacramento to run a mile in high heels for domestic violence awareness and then raced back to make Portia's birthday. Big dreamy sigh over Mauricio.

I particularly love this version of the Real Housewives franchise because most of the ladies of Beverly Hills have "don't give a fuck" money, which makes them even more out of touch and thus prone to amazing bon mots. Also, I like looking at their earings and trying to find comparable ones at Ambiance...

*Brock just introduced me to Julie Klausner's RHBH recaps on Vulture and they are, in a word, flawless.

1 comment:

Steve Keller said...

It looks like the very lovely Heather Dubrow of The Real Housewives of Orange County has left the show. It must be exhausting to be so perfect as Heather Dubrow.